BEING A MOM ISN'T A JOB

The other day I was driving with my girls, rocking out to "I'm a Little Tea Pot" and was blindsided by a thought.

For the last few years I've been known to refer to being a mother as "my job". In so many ways this role I play seems to look the part. I wear many different hats, cater to all sorts of needs, plan ahead and predict mayhem before all hell breaks loose. As a mom, I work tirelessly to give my children a life of joy and safety, learning and adventure.

But that day in the car, as I sang along far from on key, I realized what I do everyday is not a job and believing it is has cheapened the part I play in the lives of my daughters. What I've come to find is labeling motherhood as a job fills an insecurity I've been unwilling to face. If I can dress this insecurity up in a suit and tie at least what I do every day will feel a little more legit, a little less like a waste of time and a college degree. If I give myself a title, a legit answer to "what do you do?", for a few minutes I can play a part in the "real" world, thinking they won't recognize me amidst their hustle of emails and phone calls and meetings and deals.

Instead on the days I stay in pajamas until evening or "dress up" in athletic wear, I find a touch of shame attached. If this is my job, I should dress for success, right? On the days I sit beside the water watching my girls splash away an afternoon, these lovely moments come with a touch of guilt. If this is my job, then I need to be achieving something, right? When my husband asks each evening "what did you do today" and all I have in response is color, or go to the library, or aimlessly walk the streets of downtown, I find myself scrambling for more task-like accomplishments to tag on because, of course I'm working and need to have done something "important". You know, like laundry. When leftovers are what's for dinner because I'm exhausted from the beach and Farmer's Market and picking berries, a little of the contentment of summer is replaced with disappointment. I run a restaurant, remember? If motherhood is my job I need to succeed, accomplish, work, push, aim, and have each and every minute accounted for. 

But it's not a job and I'm not getting paid and believing I am is stealing the joy of this amazing blip in time. Because these years with my young children are that, a beautiful blink, and I'm tired of working and guilting and shaming them away.

What I do every day is this dynamic mix of every emotion and skill and being that I have. Sometimes it brings me to my knees in exhaustion and frustration and devastation and the desire to scream "I WANT OUT!". However, most days I look into the eyes of my sleeply little girls as they crawl into bed for a few morning snuggles and tickles and giggles and I think "I can't believe I get to do this. I can't believe I get to be their mom." And then the demands for breakfast come and I'm snapped back into "FOR THE LOVE! LET ME WAKE UP!". In these moments this place of motherhood I've found myself in becomes so much bigger than a job.

Being a mom provides a space to be myself without holding back, in fact it requires it. It allows me to go outside and swing for hours. It gives me quiet space in the middle of the day to recharge and breath deeply before meals. I get to go on adventures and watch my babies grow into beautiful, caring, hilarious little girls. I am humbled by the width of my emotions and get the opportunity to practice saying sorry. I get to show my kids a world full of wonder and magic and miracles and at the same time show them how to be kind and compassionate. I get to kiss them goodnight at sunset and hug them [morning breath and all] as the sun rises. I get to watch them explore and fall down and get up and see the look of pride and courage on their faces. Being a mom refines me and remakes me and shows me all of the areas within myself still governed by my very stubborn ego. It challenges me to be a closer reflection of the true me and pushes me to examine the pain and hurt in my own life in an effort to not parent out of those dark places. Being a mom gives to me as much, if not more, than I give to it.

So fellow moms, let's stop the charade that being a mom is mimicking heading out in the morning for a day of work. For those of you who work a day job and then come home to a family, thinking mom-ing is a job can only lead to resentment and frustration. If you stay home, believing you'll work a 24/7 job 365 days a year for the rest of your life can only lead to resentment and frustration.

Instead, let's try sitting in this beautiful moment filled with uncertainty, tension, challenge, difficulty, joy, laughter and tears. Let's fully embrace the role we play, not being ashamed if we don't have the bank account to show for it. Let's stop the insanity of pushing ourselves to be perfect thinking somehow we'll be fired if we take a wrong turn or receive a promotion is we have all our ducks in a row. Let's remove the shame and guilt and "what-ifs" and replace them with presence and gratitude and creativity. Let's get out of bed with the thought that a miracle has occurred - it's a new day and we get to do it again. Let's rise in the confidence that we are enough without labels and titles and paychecks and accolades. And let's embrace being a mom.

HERBAL TEA FOR A COLD / FLU + THE BEAUTY OF REST

Today I did something very uncharacteristic of my Type-A full-steam-ahead personality. After finishing cleaning the kitchen, I took my lunch, sat down by the fire and thought to myself, “Wow, I just cleaned the kitchen.” Then I took a break.

This is unlike me for two reasons: 

1] When I have a to-do list, generally I feel the insane urge to plow through. Only upon completion do I allow myself a tiny moment of relief it’s over. Then I add another item to the list and bam! moment vanishes and off I go. Rarely does cleaning the kitchen feel like an effort worth pause and celebration.

2] The idea of sitting quietly and enjoying myself for a moment mid-day a few times over has, until fairly recently, been a foreign concept – one that tends to make me twitch. I’m inclined to bow down to accomplishment and success in the work I do yet never allow myself to fully embrace the “after” of such work. My mantra [I’m sorry to say] has been “What else needs to be done?” My answer? Everything.

And then today, with the help of a little divine intervention, I actually sat down. Not in the “well, I’m practicing mindfulness and being present so I should” sort of way but in an “I really want to just be for a minute so I’m going to” manner.

Let me make this clear – I am not giving anyone an excuse to be sluggish and lazy. With a world full of good, life-giving work there is no room for sitting on your laurels with the TV on, eating another microwave dinner, and repeating this charade day in and day out. If that’s you, this is your wake up call. Get up, the world waits! As important as it is to have rest with work, it is equally as important to have ample work with rest.

On the other hand, I do support the practice of putting accomplishment in its proper place understanding I can achieve many things and still refrain from letting accomplishment define who I am - it is not my God. Achievement does not own me - defining my mood, my energy level, my personality. By taking a moment to sit in the present and consider the thing I just did [whatever it was], I am allowing myself to feel the pleasure and gift of hard work. I compare it to savansana after an intense yoga class or long day. It’s natural for me to give everything to my practice or day but even more innate, if I allow it, is to sink into the rest that comes after.

When we live in the present and give ourselves fully to something, there can be no other response to the act but to be still.

Of course we can push through, railroading any form of rest and reflection on the way. But in yoga this is where injury happens to our bodies. In life this is where damage happens to relationships with self, others, the earth, and with God. 

If we don’t take the time necessary to reflect on our decisions made and actions taken, how can we possibly make well thought out choices that will benefit the people and world around us?    

As we enter this new year swelling with both promise and challenge, may we take intentional time each day to recognize that our accomplishments, the things we do, cannot define who we are. 

It’s the spaces in between the doing that truly form us into our best selves.

Now, if you’re not convinced to rest amid bouts of work simply because it’s awesome for your body, your spirit, and actually allows you to be more productive overall, then maybe adding an immunity boost to sweeten the deal will get you. That’s right, rest [both mental and physical] is bar none the most important thing you can do to prevent illness. I’m not messing with you – you can do everything I've listed on the Colds & Flu Prevention page [all good things to do regardless], but without giving yourself space to break, will still be culpable to colds and other illness.

That being said, this is my go-to tea blend in the event a cold pops up. I drink at least 4 strong cups a day throughout the duration of the cold and then a cup or two each day in the week or two after as sort of "I mean it!" finale. You can also use this tea as a preventative if you feel something coming on.

This, along with some of my other tried and true remedies [by this I mean I have personally tried and found them to be true], ensures any illness will be short-lived.

Oh, and did I mention? This recipe is as simple as they get. This means you can combine the herbs while the water is boiling, steep a cup, and go rest basking in the accomplishment of just making your own tea blend!

A note about measuring in "parts": "parts" is a general measuring term that can mean any form of measurement. The thing to remember when using parts is if you start with 1 tablespoon equating 1 part then you need to continue that measurement throughout recipe. For example, if 1 tablespoon equals 1 part then 2 parts would  be 2 tablespoons and 1/2 part would be 1/2 tablespoon. 

[THE RECIPE]

2 parts each:

Yarrow Flower, dried

Elder Flower, dried

1 part each:

Peppermint Leaf, dried

Olive Leaf, dried

Place all of the ingredients in a glass jar with a tight fitting lid, leaving at least a two-inch space at the top. Gently shake the jar to mix herbs. 

To use, place 2 - 3 teaspoons of tea mix in a metal tea strainer, tea ball, or unbleached cotton tea bag. Put tea bag in a mug suitable for hot liquids and pour 1 - 1 1/2 cups of boiling water over tea. Steep for at least 10 - 15 minutes to make a bold tea [the stronger the tea the more health benefits you receive]. I like to let my tea steep to room temperature and drink warm rather than hot. 

If you're dealing with a sore throat, add a good splash of lemon juice and a bit of honey.