BOREDOM AND VANILLA CARDAMOM TIGERNUT GUMMIES with astragalus, nettle, maca, and elderflower

As a mom, most days I can handle repeating my day over and over again. Wake to yelling "Mama, I'm hungry!", brush teeth, scramble to get breakfast on the table before the hangry takes over, dishes, laundry, cleaning, picking up, the gamut of menial tasks.

But some days, especially after a series of such days, my valiance wains and I feel the force of undercurrent emotions and questions that travel with me throughout my day. I'm tired of and bored with being a maid, a cook, a personal attendant, a teacher, an officer, public defender and judge. Is this it? Is repeating the day really what I'm made for? Is there holy in this? Refinement in this? Of course the answer is yes. There is immense beauty and challenge in growing and tending a soul, or a few. God can meet us anywhere, especially in the muck and honesty of life. 

However.

Today I listened to a podcast and the speaker asked "is there a more noble task than being a mom and bringing up new life in this world?" I started to cry. Here's the thing - we all need to be reminded that what we do is so much more than what it looks like. There are those days when holy is a sweet memory, faded by spilled water and tears. The days when we're so bored we sit willing the puzzle to show us there is more to this life. Please tell me this isn't it!

Here's what we do when we're bored - we immediately try to escape it. Methods are plenty. We self medicate through distractions and busy and movies and media. We dive into anger and restlessness, depression and bed. And in a last-ditch effort some of us turn to food or drugs or alcohol, adultery or pornography. We all have our something or somethings - many levels to our boredom escape route.

I used to [ummmm...okay still do] escape by quickly moving onto the next thing or busying myself with tasks that make me feel like I've accomplished something, anything. If I'm checking things off the list, I can't be bored right? I can feel important right?

I am a mom, one who stays at home and let me tell you, it can get boring. Parenting is walking in the same direction for a long, long time type of thing. It's full of routine and rhythm and consistency - all things kids need and crave. For my kids it's the safety net that allows them to tiptoe away from the nest and explore one new bug, one skinned knee at a time.

There are days this routine and rhythm that keeps them comforted and confident can send me into mild psychosis. What keeps them grounded triggers me into a spinning mess, ready to jump in the UPS truck and on the road to anywhere.

But here's the thing. Boredom can be a powerful tool. A swift kick to get moving. It can also be a fantastic teacher. A mirror reflecting the deep, untouched area of our beings that need to be brought to the light and examined.

Why does busy make us feel important?

Why is slow so scary?

Why is more, more, more so addictive?

As I've asked myself these questions, I've uncovered old hurts and stories I've been told or have been telling myself. Areas of my being that need freedom and healing.

The more I sink into the stillness and rhythm of a slower pace of life, the more I find contentment and a beauty I never saw before. As if I was invited on stage to actively participate on an intimate level in this thing we call life. As I practice gratitude and compassion I find the one person who needs this most is me.

And the slow isn't so scary any more. The days not so long. The work not so menial.

The warm dish water becomes an opportunity to feel the heat on my hands and say thank you for clean water. It reminds me I care very much that everyone has this opportunity and it moves me to act. I drags me from my world and into connection with the greater world around me.

The smell of clean laundry reminds me how lucky we are to have the choice of wearing more than one outfit and a machine to do much of the heavy lifting. I challenges me to look at my closet, my spending, my wants and prioritize them in a more generous way.

Cooking connects me on the deepest level to the ones I love, to the ones who have gone before me, to the ground beneath my feet, and to the farmers who work tirelessly to put food on my table. It gives me a chance to stir and chop and breathe deeply the essence of life.

Writing and reading and painting and practicing yoga anchor me in the person I am and the things I love - the things I want to share with the world around me.

Walking barefoot in the grass, planting seeds, sledding down the snow covered hill outside our door, breathing in the crisp clean air all remind me that this world is precious and we only have one and it is so, so beautiful. Worth protecting and enjoying and caring for with wisdom and integrity and selflessness.

All of sudden I'm not just a mom. These moments, humble and small, catapult me to move, to care, to create.

They take me from mundane to holy.  

It's not easy and I miss out on it many of days. But I'm practicing and over time I'm noticing changes, subtle and sweet, that are leading me directly into a walk with the divine. I'm learning this can happen even if our responsibilities don't shift. The only thing that needs changing is our awareness. And that lies solely in the palm of our hands. The choice is ours. But it's worth it. Whatever it takes, it's worth it.

May you find a rhythm that allows you to pause and find gratitude in the very simplest of things. May you experience truly living rather than rushing and going and doing and producing. May boredom cause you to pause and examine and move or stand still. May you have eyes to see what already is and the patience to enjoy it. 

[IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED]

Astragalus has become a bit of a rock star in recent health circles however it has deep roots in Chinese medicine and has been used for many years medicinally to build immune strength, energizing and nourishing the entire body. It has quite an impressive list of qualities and uses and is worth familiarizing yourself with.

Nettle is also used traditionally in Chinese medicine, noted as a "long life" herb and a terrific whole body tonic. Many consider it a vitamin/mineral factory.

Both the flower and berries of the Elder plant are popular cold remedies and immune boosters in European countries and are gaining traction here in the states.



[THE RECIPE]

9 c. water, divided
1 c. tigernuts
1 handful of dried astragalus slices
2 T. dried nettle root
2 T. whole dried cardamom pods
2 T. dried elderflower
1 vanilla bean, halved and scraped
3 - 4 T. raw honey, local if possible
2 T. maple syrup
1 T. maca powder
1/4 tsp. cardamom powder
1/4 tsp. sea salt
1 c. unflavored, grass-fed gelatin [for extra firm consistency, less if softer consistency is desired]

Prepare a 9 x 13 glass baking pan by greasing bottom and sides with coconut oil. Set aside.

In blender, place 5 cups of water and tigernuts. Blend on high until very smooth. Place cheesecloth or mine mesh nut milk bag over large jar or glass measuring cup. Pour blended milk into the cloth or bag about 3/4 of the way full. Twist top of bag and begin to squeeze milk out. Add the remaining milk and squeeze until all of the milk has been released. Save pulp for crackers, baking or smoothies. Set milk aside.

In a medium size pot place 4 cups of water, astragalus, nettle root, cardamom pods, and a pinch of salt. Bring water to boil, reduce heat to medium, and simmer uncovered until about a cup of liquid remains [approximately 30 minutes]. Turn heat off, add elderflower, cover and let steep for an additional 20 minutes. Pour liquid through fine mesh strainer and discard herbs.

Slice vanilla bean along the edge, going deep enough to cut open but not all the way through.

Return herb tea to pot and add milk, vanilla bean, honey, syrup, cardamom powder, and sea salt. Warm over medium low heat until just hot to touch. Be careful not to boil!

Place warmed liquid in blender, add maca, and blend on high. Reduce speed to low and slowly pour in gelatin. Increase speed as consistency of liquid thickens.

Pour mixture into prepared baking dish and refrigerate until just firm. Cut the gummies into desired size and shape. Return to refrigerator and cool until gummies are very firm.

Store for a week or two in refrigerator and enjoy!

CAPTURING CAPTIVATING AND KITARCHI with sweet potatoes, leeks, and pumpkin seeds

A couple of years ago my friend Kim and I were in a cute antique shop browsing the shelves. She picked something up and mentioned how lovely it was. Then she put it back and in almost a whisper said, "I'm so grateful I was able to experience that".

Wait. What?

Now my friend could have easily walked right up to the counter, purchased said object, and walked out with something beautiful to add to her already charming house.

But she didn't.

She put it back and somehow owned it without actually owning it.

Today I was driving my girls home from school and the song "Hello" by Adele came on. Let me say, I love this song. Adele's voice is one of the most powerful and moving I know. That being said, today it made me wonder about our collective desire to own the beauty we see, hear, and experience. This song came out and boom! everyone had to have it, including myself.

Why?

My guess is it made us feel something. Her voice cut through the fluff around us and went straight to our soul. Somehow, through a series of notes and pitch and words, it connected us to each other and awakened the deepest part of us. And we want to capture it and know with certainty we can come back to this place when the need arises.

It made me think of all the other ways we experience something that captivates us and then, in that same instant of enjoyment, we jump to conspiring to get it.

We're at the beach and experience this comforting sense of smallness and we build houses all along the coast.

We taste something exotic and find ways to bypass region and season, shipping it around the world.

We run into Target, see something pretty and without much thought add it to our cart.

We hear a song and play it over and over and over.

But once we own whatever this thing is, does the experience continue? Does it get better? Do we?

Please understand, I don't think these things necessarily wrong. I just wonder what happens when it becomes habit. Something our culture and country is defined by.

I think the beach gets old. The food isn't the same as right off the plant or tree. That thing looked a lot better on the shelf surround by the other pretties. The song suddenly becomes annoying.

But what if like my friend we take in the fullness of  beauty, allowing it to wash over and through us. We breathe in this brief moment in time and experience it as wholly and deeply and largely as we can.

And then we let that be enough.

We walk away with this sense of bittersweet contentment that can only come with loving and letting go. This incredible sense of this being enough and knowing there will be another experience waiting around the bend.

Because here's the thing - if we own, we collect, we fill the bank space with repeat - we leave little space for new and wonder and exciting. Instead of doing what's difficult at first but more meaningful in a lasting sort of way, we collect dust and headaches.

So here's my challenge. Stand there. For a ridiculous amount of time if that's what it takes. Laugh, cry, yell, dance, sing, shake. Do whatever it takes to make the experience fully yours.

And then walk away.

I think you'll find that the only thing you want to repeat is thank you.

This recipe is my cold-weather comfort food. It is dense but not heavy, warm and flavorful, and wonderfully nutritious. If winter is a more difficult season for you, you tend to get cold easily, or are looking for an easy-to-digest meal, this may be a great one to try. The cookbook referenced is one of my favorite and a real treasure-chest of wonderful recipes. 

[THE RECIPE]
Adapted from Eat, Taste, Heal: An Ayurvedic Cookbook for Modern Living

1 c. basmati rice
1/3 c. mung dhal [split hulled mung beans]
3 c. water
2 small sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into small cubes [appx. 2 cups]
1 small celeriac, peeled and cut into small cubes [appx. 1/2 cup]
2 T. ghee
2 leeks, rinsed and cut into thin slices
4 T. shelled pumpkin seeds
1 T. korma powder [see recipe below, make in advance]
1 T. apple cider vinegar
1/2 c. tigernut or coconut milk [or milk of choice]
2 T. lemon juice
1 tsp. maple syrup
sea salt, to taste

Korma Powder Recipe:

1 T. whole coriander seeds
1 T. whole cumin seeds
1 T. whole fennel seeds
1 T. whole mustard seeds
1 T. whole fenugreek seeds
1 T. whole cardamom seeds
1 T. poppy seeds
1 T. whole pepper seeds
1 T. ground cinnamon
1 T. ground ginger
1 T. ground turmeric
1 tsp. ground cloves

Place all ingredients in a spice grinder or Vitamix dry container. Blend on high until a very fine powder is achieved. Transfer to an glass container with tight-fitting lid.

Place the rice and mung dhal in a fine mesh strainer. Place under cold, running water and rinse until the water runs clear. Let all the water drain out and then place in large stainless steel pot. Add water. Bring to boil over medium-high heat. Once water boils, cover and reduce heat to low for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile peel and cut sweet potatoes, celeriac, and leeks. Once the rice and mung have been cooking for 10 minutes, layer the sweet potatoes and celeriac on top of the rice-mung mixture. Reserve the leeks for later. Cover and cook for an additional 20 minutes. Add a little more water if, after 20 minutes, the water has evaporated but the vegetables aren't tender if poked with a fork.

While the rice and vegetables are cooking, warm ghee in medium size cast iron or stainless steel skillet over medium heat. When melted, add the leeks and saute until soft. Add the pumpkin seeds and saute until the seeds are beginning to brown. Stir in the korma powder. Add the vinegar, lemon juice, syrup, milk, and about 1 teaspoon of sea salt. Cook for 3 - 4 minutes. Turn off heat and set aside.

When the vegetables are tender to touch and water has been evaporated, remove from heat and stir in the pumpkin seed mixture. Add additional sea salt and pepper if necessary. Serve immediately.